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Wednesday, May 31st, 2006
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There's a sanctuary deep inside your head. A memory, a time and place that doesn't need to be of any particuluar importance but it's always there when you think back.
I'm.. 7 or 8? Sitting in that white room surrounded by dozens if not hundreds of drawings on the walls, some of which are proudly my own. It's the dentists waiting room, empty except for a few black cushion chairs outlined against the wall and a thick black couch on one side. Outside the window I can see the light drizzle and rain. I went there often, as my mom used to work as a dentist and as a result knew the head dentist very well. The dentists office is ofcourse boring as hell, so i'd always ask for a piece of paper and draw something nice for them to hang up. Over the years the collection piled up, I think I drew more for them than any other kid as my work was all over the place. That's my sanctuary.. an unimportant little white room with drawings all around. Waiting there in my youth to be called by the dentist, who I knew very well. The rain lightly trickling just outside, and i'm watching from my comfortable chair as the beautiful light gray clouds spilled rain drops outside..
Why is this my sanctuary? I don't know. But whenever I look for a bookmark in my head, it takes me there.
-Memories.
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can you see the star?
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Selfish. It's been a long time since i've updated. Close to a year. I guess it's cause I don't feel my life is anything too special to read about. :o I go to college, hang out with friends, tackle issues as they come up. Ultimately my life's too normal and predictable to write about. I guess it's pretty pathetic when you think about it. And I find myself wanting to break away from this vicious cycle i've heard about all my life.
Play-Learn-Work-Retire-Die.
There's gotta be something else to this world. The point of life can't simply be to pass on your genetics and then die can it? But that's stupid of me to ask, seeing as how I believe in evolution. If that is the case then i'm no different than other animals, who live and die in the blink of an eye and exist only in the genetic memory of their offspring. Is it selfish to want more? Is it selfish to want to continue to exist and not surrender your life force and organics to the ground? It's true that without death there can be no new life. But if I had a choice.. .. if YOU had a choice. Wouldn't you choose your own existence over future generations? I know I would. Selfish.
/end debate
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can you see the star?
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Wednesday, December 14th, 2005
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I haven't posted here since my doggy died. :( It seems i'm really only interested in lj to express depression. But when i'm happy and active which is most of the time, I can't bring myself to sit and type up a report card. I just don't have the tolerance to do that I guess. But i'll try anyway.
College has been hellish. :O I'm pretty sure my Cal teacher is gonna flunk me, just cause he's a fragrant asshole. But other than that all I have to worry about are term papers. Which suck. Majorly. And are time consuming. All hail the time-eater that is TERM PAPER. Last term paper I wrote about the evils of Christianity and its historic destruction throughout the world. I did it the night before it was due, too. 10 freaking pages. BOOYAH. I got an A+ too. ;] The biggest problem isn't the actual writing, but finding those USELESS sources and finding a way to use them. It's absolutely ridicoulous. You shouldn't be -forced- to use sources, especially when you're writing about an OPINION article. Had the subject been about a particuliuar book or dialogue, then i'd understand.
Yeah. Christianity has been pissing me off a lot lately, I could've added a bunch of new rants to that term paper by now. For one.... South Africa has legalized gay marriage. HOW FREAKING SOCIALLY FAR-BACK IS AMERICA WHEN SOUTH AFRICA IS SHOWING MORE SOCIAL PROGRESS!? That's just pathetic, we need to get the hillbillies off the supreme court, congress, senate, and presidency. Also need to stop letting them buy up stocks of media, tv stations, radio, etc. That's how they get control of these things. By buying up the stock, they can then threaten to sell everything if the media doesn't do as the warmongers please. It's sad, really.
o.o; Well I guess that's enough for now. Later.
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1 have seen the star. + can you see the star?
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My dog died.. a few hours ago... .. and I cried for 5 hours straight along with friends and family... I heard my grandma scream so I rushed upstairs to see my dog shaking on the floor, laying on his side.. 2 seconds later as I got there he stopped shaking.. and breathing.. I tried to rececitate him by pushing down on his chest and abdomen in rhythm and it worked for 2 seconds... then he died.... .. I was the last thing he saw... and I never thought it would be this way..... never thought he'd die like that..... i always thought..i'd be the one to die first..just so i wouldnt have to see him die.... he was a gorgeous dalmation with a white star on his left ear.. he was 12 years old and I had him since he was born... its still hard for me to believe.. he was such a happy, kind, loving dog.. never bit anyone in his life and he'd always rush to you if you were sad and would try to cheer you up.. so playful.. its hard for me to believe i wont ever hear that little jingle on his collar again... i kept it as a momentum.. the one thing he's had since birth, his little jingling tag... i hope he's somewhere.. happy.. waiting for me..
i'll always love you, jeffy.. i'll never forget..
rest in peace... june 12, 2005
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2 have seen the star. + can you see the star?
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Hello! It's been a long while. I keep thinking I will update this and then.. I just don't. But today for once I have nothing better to do, so I shall! Much has happened with me in the last.. um.. year? :D School has been a hoot. So much stuff to do! But sadly in the wake of it all i've destroyed my well-established sleeping schedule and turned into an insomniac. :( I shall find a way.. to turn back! Rar! ^_^ Oh, I have long black hair now! Very Pretty I say it is. <- Yoda Reference. :X OH YES. Yesterday I went to see StarWars Episode III with some friends. Awesome it is, except for the part where Vader goes NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, cause that was just.. lame. Besides that, Vaders costume looked too.. um.. plastic and shiny? XD Then at the end of my movie my friend made his comment immitating Yoda which still gets me laughing right now. "SHITHEAD YOU SAY I AM?" XD It's a lot funnier when he does the Yoda voice. So I guess that's that for awesome series like LoTR and StarWars. :( So sad, but all things come to an end. Oh I did find a fan film of StarWars! It's pretty damn awesome, it's been worked on for like.. 4 years? Expert digital effects and stuff. You'd think Lucas himself made it. It's not one of those 2-nerds get a camera and make a movie type of thing. This thing was massive. :X
http://www.panicstruckpro.com/revelations/revelations.html
Go DL it!
Well anyway that's all for now. I may update more later.. or I may not! Oh it's come to my attention some people don't know my AOL/AIM sn. Miseru it is.
Later!
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can you see the star?
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Saturday, December 11th, 2004
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Despite years of change, there's one thing I was never able to evolve from and that was being too much of a thinker. A true burden. I cannot stop asking questions that have no answer, and I cannot stop trying to find that non existant answer. Lately it's been troubling me even more. I keep thinking about the things no human should be thinking about. Or perhaps.. the things we're taught not to think about out of fear we may discover something we shouldn't know. Either way, it's a mental struggle because too much thought = depression. too little thought = happiness.. heh. Kinda like Ignorance is being happy, while wisdom is being sad. Which would you choose? To be ignorant yet joyous or to be knowledgable and wise yet always sorrowful for what you know? Ashame this post cannot be as care-free and happy as my previous one. But then again it's an entirely different post. My previous one was about the normality of my life, this one is about the unnerving instability of my thoughts. -.- I guess there has to be a negative for every positive. I think i'll update this later with more.. um.. detail, should anyone care to read.
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8 have seen the star. + can you see the star?
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Sunday, November 28th, 2004
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o.o;.. Hm. Yes! I'm finally posting! The last entry was like.. half a year ago or something. <_<; And now i'm posting again! Yesterday my mom took me shopping in the traditional after-thanksgiving shopping spree thing--which I never understood. I bought like $500 worth of cool stuff, mostly clothes at my mom's expense. She insisted. - Shrug. - Lately.. .. not even lately, for quite some time--years even I have been really happy with life. :D I'm getting everything I wanted in life. Joy, love, friendship, opportunity, purpose. Maybe that's why I haven't been posting in my LJ. Prior, it's been full of sad memories and events. Anger/hate/whatever. But when you're happy with life, truly happy-- I guess you want to post less and live more. O.o; Wow. As i'm typing this happy entry, the dark rainy clouds parted and light came through. It just went from dark to bright. :D That's so cool. And it made me smile too. It's odd how time can completely change a person. Looking back at how I was before, i'm kinda embarrased. e.e; Like it wasn't me that was posting all that sappy stuff. Too lazy to go delete them all, and perhaps it's better that way. A reminder of what I emerged from. Time heals all wounds, and changes everything. I've also just read Brenna's journal from a friends point of view, that got me kinda sad. :( Hang in there, Brenna. I guess i'll try to talk to her today, if she ever gets back from AFK. :B K, now i'm just rambling on since I don't have much to post about other than a general over-view of my giddy life now. But.. I just backdated all the way to thursday, november 22'nd, 2001. Perhaps one of the good few memories I posted in this lj. I wonder if Brenna would remember what that day was. :B Maybe i'll update the lj again sometime in the future. But for the meantime, adios lj fans.
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4 have seen the star. + can you see the star?
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I see your love, reflection! Lalalala---however the song goes. o.o; - Skips a rock across the lake. - Ah, ze lake Hylia. Old memories. I was on AOL a while ago and I see Lake Hylia up in the chats and naturally i'm like "Wtf mate? O_o" and I go investigate and this guy is there and he's like "wtf eh?" so i'm like "wtf r u canadian?" and he's like "no i'm french." and i'm like "oh cool" and yeah that was fun. o.o; I'm gonna make my first moozik video! :D It's gonna be on Zelda the cartoon series. Lol it's kinda cheezy but still cool. ^_^ I like this background on my journal it's so cool. Well that's enough random thoughts, I actually have work to do! u.u; Stupid teachers cramming projects at the end of the year all at once. Ja, invisible non-existant readers! XD
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5 have seen the star. + can you see the star?
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Thursday, April 22nd, 2004
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Time.
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Do you have some to spare?
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Since the dawn of man, there has always been a question pounding at the minds of its philosophers.
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"Do we have time?"
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"Is our time running out?"
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No matter which way you phrase it, the question is the same.
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Do you have some to spare?
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Give me time....
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Give me life....
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Give me joy.....
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Give me sorrow..
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Give me pain....
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.... Your time is running out.
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Don't waste it.
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- SFIN.
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Resurection of a fallen spirit.
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3 have seen the star. + can you see the star?
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Tuesday, October 7th, 2003
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O.O PARANOIA PARANOIA EVERYBODY'S COOOMING TO GEEEET MEEEE. I'M NOT SIIIICK BUT I'M NOT WWEEEELL. Been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding. The creatons feeding, and I don't even own a TV. Tralalala. o.o Love this song. Well the last couple of days have been uhm.. interesting. :D And something's freakin' wrong with my LJ. >< It keeps dwarfing my posts and deleting comments randomly. XD OH and yesterday I went to the zoo with my mom and lil' bro and there was.. a GIBBON.. WITH A RIBBON!!! XD!! For those of you who don't get it, go here --> www.rathergood.com/blode2 . The other blode episodes are pretty good too, so if you want some funny stuff just watch blodes 1 - 6, same address just change the number after blode between 1 and 6. XD You'll get the ribbon joke.. and .. WOE UNTOOO THEEE..
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can you see the star?
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Saturday, October 4th, 2003
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Thursday, September 5th, 2002
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Well i'm going to miss Katii and all, but I guess this is the way things have to be. She tried to make me apologize to the assholes that started this. I believe it's simply because she is better friends with them that she refuses to accept my version that they started, despite her seeing it. My mistake was to partially blame it on her, but then she made the big mistakes to take it to such a high level. And now she wants me to stoop down to their levels and apologize for defending myself? Not in this lifetime. I'm done being the appeaser. It's been going on too long. Anyway.. School's great. I got awesome classes and teachers, and all my friends are in the same classeS! :D It's awesome. I'm going to have a good year.
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can you see the star?
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| Time: | 7:37 am. |
| Mood: |  confused. |
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I was going to put this as a comment in one of the earlier posts, but I decided it would be better here. Katii, i'm sorry things turned out that way. But you have to understand, through your eyes I was waging more, and through my eyes, your friends were waging war. You can't be ignorant and say "Nope, you were the only one attacking.". That's bullshit! And one-sided. I see where you stand, but try to understand where I stand. I love you a lot as a friend, and I really don't want to lose you over a stupid thing like this. Okay, so your friends and I don't get along, in that case I won't speak to them and they won't speak to me [ not like I ever do except in those pr's. ]. Solution right there. But don't take this all the way to never speaking with me again, please. That'd be a waste. I'm sorry you were hurt, but so was I.
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1 have seen the star. + can you see the star?
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Wednesday, September 4th, 2002
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| Time: | 10:16 pm. |
| Mood: |  sick. |
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Yay.. school's tommorow and i'm stuck with a fever. -.-; Today was not good.. around mid-day I started heating up to like 100 degrees and collapsed on my bed. My mom took my temperature and it was 100 or so. x.x Right now it's back to 98.4 so it's.. okay. o.o I'm feeling better, but not quite healthy, still sneezing, stuffy nose, coughs, etc. And still.. feeling hot every now and then.
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can you see the star?
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Monday, September 2nd, 2002
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Life is usually about learning from your mistakes . . .
. . . But sometimes you don't get another chance.
Watch your step.
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can you see the star?
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Sunday, September 1st, 2002
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| Time: | 2:33 pm. |
| Mood: |  content. |
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Dreams fade, friends go away. But it's just another whisper in the wind that was silenced. <3 Katii. [ Well not really. ]. More like </3. o.o; You know.. whatever. Whoo lately i've been having much fun at the gym, but also debating an issue.. it's really none of your business though, whoever is reading. XP I might post the issue on a friend note, so only friends can see it. I also need to change some friend options around.. o.o
Not like you care! :D Bye!!
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8 have seen the star. + can you see the star?
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Friday, August 30th, 2002
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"I feel so alive. For the very first time. I can't deny you. I feel so alive."
Broken dreams are re-born and broken hearts subside. Time steals life and death alike, but only one thing in this world is for certain. Life doesn't have any second chances to give.......
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1 have seen the star. + can you see the star?
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Wednesday, August 28th, 2002
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I am soo tired right now. Everything hurts and is drained. Just came back from a workout. x.x God.. I can barely move. I over-did it AGAIN. x.e
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can you see the star?
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Tuesday, August 27th, 2002
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One day.. one day soon, this is the place i'll return to. Someday.. someday soon, this is the time I will look back on. The time of chaos and love, the time of tears and pain. This place i'll return to someday.. will be gone forever. My hopes, my dreams, have been sucked dry from my heart and soul. A certain purity leans over me, however wrong it feels that from anothers mistake I should have my soul cleansed and free. That purity.. that justice shall seperate me from the rest. And then this will be the place i'll return to some day.. the palace of broken hopes and dreams. Just to watch, and remember that in the end.. It was worth it</s>..
fin
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can you see the star?
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story_teller's journal
thoughtful.
crying....
flirty.
happy.
amused.
enthralled.
creative.
exhausted.